May 11, 2010

Author Graham Parke: 2010's only novel without sexy vampires

Mr. Parke, my editor tells me that you’ve written a book that doesn’t feature a single vampire. Surely this is a miscommunication?

No, that's entirely correct.

So, you mean to say that you've written a self-help book?

No, it’s fiction. It just doesn’t have any vampires.

I’m not sure I understand. Are you telling us it doesn’t actually have a story?

There is a story, it’s just a story about people who are, each and every one of them, not vampires.

So, there are no action scenes, then, and no semi-erotic entanglements?

There are. Just not with vampires.

I have to say, that’s extraordinary. How did you come up with such an original concept?

It just came to me one day. I wrote it down and it worked.

Did you write the story first, and then take out all the vampires?

No. There were no vampires. Ever. Right from the first draft, it was entirely vampire-less.

Amazing. Now, while I applaud your originality on some level, I have to ask; who on earth do you intend to sell this to? Don’t you know that readers want vampires?

I think there are still readers out there who enjoy a good tale, even if it doesn’t have any vampires. Also, readers who enjoy vampire stories might not want to read All vampires, All the time. Sometimes, I suspect, they’ll take a break. That’s where ‘No Hope for Gomez!’ comes in.

Could you tell us something more about the book? For example, how many wizards are there and are they still in high school?

There are no wizards. I can’t stress this enough; No Hope for Gomez! has no wizards, no vampires, no world-weary wise cracking detectives, and no nihilistic characters complaining lengthily about things they supposedly don’t care about.

You are not making a lot of sense right now. Please tell me, weren’t you tempted to put in just one vampire? A little one? Somewhere at the end, maybe?

No. The story really didn’t need any.

I’m so sorry, Graham, I have to cut this interview short. You are obviously delusional and I’m going to make sure you get proper medical attention. Don’t worry, we’ll help you as best we can!


Graham Parke is responsible for a number of technical publications and has recently patented a self-folding map. He has been described as both a humanitarian and a pathological liar. Convincing evidence to support either allegation has yet to be produced.
No Hope for Gomez! is his fiction debut.

Graham Parke will be holding a give-away of a limited edition signed copy of a spin-off novella from his forum. Find it on

Disclosure: I did not receive any compensation for this post. If you purchase a book using my Amazon or Barnes and Noble link, I will receive a small portion of the purchase price.

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1 comment:

Fiona Ingram said...

I loved this interview! It made me laugh out loud. May I ask the author ... please, can you remember if perhaps there is a zombie in your novel? Just a teensy one somewhere in the corner....?